真正的放下，是你不介意再被提起。

看来我还是没有完完全全的放下你。。。需要多点时间吧。

20/12

i know my future is a very long long way... i now can feel the future is not that easy in this industry... so i must learn and pick up as many information as possible before going for training. i will go for it... deli challenge accepted. :) add oil ANDREA!!! :)

why this Christmas eve i feel so lonely....  

失恋的日记

17/09 

im sad... i dont know what to do. i know the only thing i can do now is wait. i know he is struggling and feeling bad too. and i know you feel stress. i understand you. but im sad. im just sad. 

19/09

今天是第二天了，我的心还是没有恢复。心还是麻麻的。请你不要讯息我好吗。因为这样会让我想更多。还有不要再问我过得好吗。因为我不想说谎。我其实一点都不好。我还在练习放手。

21/09

伤口慢慢的好了。我对他的感觉不再是那么浓烈了。但我很舍不得。chee kien weng 我很想打你啊！鸡蛋糕你啊! 

22/09 

it seems like your having a good time . im like a stupid waiting for your msg for your msg and sad about this relationship. i dont know i can wait until how long. im really still waiting.. did you know? did you know im sad? did you know it's pain of letting go? did you know im lose without you? 

23/09 

im so stupid. im still waiting for you. i found myself so funny. 

24/09

im still crying... when im gonna sober? now i understand why love makes one stupid. 

25/09

i still can forget you.... my heart is crying... can you give me a hug? give me strength, tell me you'll be there :( 

26/09

since that msg it's exactly two weeks that we dont msg, see each other, chit chat, nothing at all... i need a hug now and tell me that you'll be there...... chee kien weng..... tell me what to do.. 

27/09 

tonight im having dinner alone. if i can i would wish to call you and eat together... but i know it's impossible. 

28/09

我好像又想通了。。。我们可以变成朋友可是我很不甘心的是我的初吻给了你你却这样对我。

我是不是你现在深爱的人？你为什么那么安静。。。

你知不知道我等你等得好苦啊！

29/09

你过得怎么样了？有很想我吗？

i need you now... i need a shoulder, a hug and tell me you'll always there for me. 

30/09

now only i realize im the killer of this relationship, im the problem. i will slowly find you back. im gathering my courage. 

1/10

i have no courage to msg you!!!!! what to do?!! really fuch wehy. 

2/10

心难过得要死。。。你真的很敷衍。。。我真的快要死了。。。

3/10

又是一个很想你，很想哭的夜。日子很难过啊。你可以回到我身边吗？

last night  before sleep i didnt think of you. i feel relax and happy. but how i know when i reached home in the morning i have a big cry. did you miss me? did you cry?

i thought i will slowly recover. but the wound is getting deeper and deeper. deep until i cant even control it. deep until it disturb my daily life. i still look forward for you to msg. a fortnight seems like one month. 

4/10

tonight dinner alone again. wish you could accompanied.

miss you more and more... 

5/10 

im still figuring where did our relationship went wrong. im stupid right. 

6/10 

yesterday didnt think you that much anymore but the memories keep flowing out like a flowing water. slowly dont think of you d. is it a good thing?

7/10

the wound feels like getting better. i start to feel happy again. heart not that tiring anymore. 

lessons learned. never ever simply fall in love with someone. because in the end you are gonna hurt yourself. 

9/10

yesterday didnt write dairy. tonight having dinner alone again. miss you again. especially when im surround with people it feels so lonely. 

11/10 

if i have one minute before i die, i'll call you and say "i love you". 

14/10

didnt msg you anymore. i have slowly letting go. is it a good thing?

heart- is like a glass. easy to break. once it's broken it takes time to find the broken pieces and fix it together. i'm still fixing my heart. building the wall again. im sorry heart, to hurt you and to let you break. i'll never easily hand you to anyone else again. 

17/10 

start thinking of you again. walao! i know it's impossible for me to forget you but i just want to let you go that easy. why i can't. i feel i'm super duper stupid, still can't let you go, keep tormenting myself. andrea, dont sleep anymore wake up!!!! 

18/10 

can you come back to me? you stole my heart and you break it... and now i'm begging you to return... what the fuck... i really miss you. i really wish you could just come back and said you're sorry to leave me alone. you're still stuck in my brain.. i really wan to let you go.. im trying.. but the memories wont le me go. it hunts me everyday. especially im lonely... its been a month since our break up.. if i can't have you back, i just want to let go. 

19/10

you have fallen sick! im worried. i really want to go to your house like i used to. 

22/10
today is my birthday. i was seeing whether you will wish me in fb or not. but until now i didn't see any. was quite upset. but the most shocking part is when you took a picture of a souvenir that you received from a girl that i know(sukyan). i was truly shocked and i kept asking myself when did you both got so close without me noticing. she even buy souvenir for you. wtf!! i was shocked, blurred, stunt, upset. i admit i'am jealous. i can't accept if you both couple. pls don't let tit happen and i will hate you chee kien weng if it really happen. 
you seems to have a normal life without me. i'm still struggling. oh my gawd. when am i going to fucking wake up?! 

24/10 
i'm on my way. i'll let you go in order to free myself. bye love. bye memories. blek :p

27/10 
i'm really gonna fucking hate you! i noticed both of you are getting closer. nvm... i'm gonna fucking let you go..... i don't deserve this and it's not worth it. you are a creature not a human being. ass hole! 

7/11
心痛到极点！

心很痛！我不知道怎么样好。我很后悔爱上你。我流多少眼泪都没用。我吃醋也没用。我在你心里已经没有任何的余地。当初我很努力的爱你现在我要很努力的放下你！每一次看到你和她我的心痛到极点。心情烂到不能再烂。我不应该有任何希望。我更不应该期待。可不可以有个药能治疗失恋，心痛。我很需要！！！

22/12
听说你们在一起但是我的心怎么还是有点不舒服。我是怎么了？不是已经放下了吗？林珮珊，放了自己吧拜托！

24/12
你在学校门口经过，看到隔壁有人，应该是她吧。我的心怎么会莫名的难过。是难过吗？难道我还放不下你？！我累了。。。。 
如果正面看到你我的心会怎样？我知道我会用不屑的眼神看你。

you drove passed, i saw some one was sitting at the passenger side. without a doubt i jumped into a conclusion it was her. i just cant think of anyone else sitting beside you. my heart suddenly just hurt a little. my mood just went down. i shouldn't be sad. i thought i have already let go of you but today i realised i haven't. i kept asking myself almost everyday what if he appears infront of me one day? what should i do? how i would react? but im sure i wont smile at him. i will give him a gesture or just make him transparent. but what about my heart and my mood? will it be just like today? i dont want to.. i dont want because of him i spoil my day, my mood and everything. i dont want him to influence me... 

我终于放下他了。不再期待。不再等待。整个人都变得好轻，已经找回我的快乐单人生活。我也不再想知道他过得怎么了。谢谢让我一次痛的够， 让我领悟到真的要放手了。十一月忘了他计划成功了！再见了我的初恋。
这段感情让我明白男人再怎么好都不能够相信的。也让我觉得爱一个人很难。所以现在我会好好的爱自己不让任何人那么轻易打败我。加油！！！ :) 

test in cilantro

today is the first term practical test in cilantro. we are required to do french loaf and foccacia tomato oven dried. sad case is the whole class fail for the french loaf because we took 2 hours to knead a dough and the technique of kneading is totally wrong that is why our dough is not baby skin and the gluten is not form and we broke the gluten structure causes the bread to be hard and heavy. so this Thursday we need to go back for resit. the good thing is the foccacia bread is successful. everyone pass the test i guess so. and today chef announced the theory test result. i'm happy because i passed and i got 83 marks that makes me the highest in the class. haha... happy for myself. and i know i will score because the questions are easy and almost all the questions i have gone through the night before so i know i will pass. the foccacia bread today i really feel it is nice and i'm proud of it cause i really do it from scratch.. good job Andrea! keep it up! keep that spirit till Thursday..  you can do it Andrea! show everyone you can!!! make yourself proud alright!

im counting on days.. today is his first day of intern.. i already miss him and worry for him. worry that his too tired. but 6 months seems very long. but im thankful that he didn't went to singapore or genting.. hahaha... i still can meet him or see him during his off day. but i don't dare to disturb him cause i know he will be dam tired.. 

im counting and counting.. :(

the first time buying a cake for a guy

done a crazy and unbelievable thing today. his birthday is next Tuesday but he is going for internship next Monday. today suddenly have an idea cross my mind. what about today i give him a surprise?  so i went to RT Pastry in ss15 and bought a vanilla fruit cake. i called him up to make sure he is at home and i show him the cake at his doorstep. he was surprise because he really doesn't know anything. and he was unwilling to cut the cake i don't know why.  but i told him to give me a face blow the candle and cut the cake please. and after a small chat we walked out of his room and celebrate. eventually i didn't sing birthday song cause it don't feels right on that time.. i just lighted the candle and ask him to make a wish. you  know what?! he make a wish that he will make a lot of money. and i was like wtf?! i said you so rich d you still want to have more money... and he cut the cake.. we share a cake cause he don't really eat cake and i was still full. 

i can't believe that i will walk for so far away just to buy a cake... i was sweating like hell. i keep asking myself what happen to me? why i will sacrifice till like that? omg.. i must be outta my mind. 

eventually he catches a flu. after the cake he ate med and was falling asleep. hahaha.... at 5pm i leave because i wanted him to rest. i know eating flu med will make one sleepy. so i ask him to rest.    

and before i leave the bakery, i ask them do they still hire part time student. that person ask me to fill in a form and he would give me a call. so i was hoping i get the job cause i don't want to stay at home in the weekends. i don't mind the paying rate cause i really want to get out of this house especially from 007.  

i believe god, because he answer my prayers most of the time.. thank you god for answering my prayers.. today im here to pray again and to wish for your answer. today i would like to pray for this pretty angel lady that tmr her operation is going smooth and dont punish her too strictly because she is kind and she doesn't want this to happen too.. so please don't hit her too hard.. pls.. 

hey you half sibling baby, i dont know how to get this right. but i really apologize to you for your father just dump you..  

god pls blessed him to pass the exam with flying colors. he has work very hard from the beginning until today the final. i really really wish and pray that he will pass. i don't want to see him fail. i don't want to see him sad. i know god only help those who help themselves. ya.. he's the right one.. so god im here to please you. pls help him pass the final exam... i'll appreciate and do whatever to pay back the kindness. pls!!!!!    

falling in love

我想告诉你 我已经爱上你了。恭喜你， 你终于把我的心占据了。

和你在一起我很有安全感。

你一直出现在我的脑海里。

我无时无刻都会想到你，

特别是夜里。

没有你的讯息我很难过，失望。

我想要每天都看到你。

想要每天窝在你的怀里。

想为了你改变自己。

听到你不用去新加坡了我很开心。

但现在我不开心的是〉〉〉

1. 你不再这么甜蜜的和我讯息了。
2. 我们好像没话题聊了。
3. 就算有讯息也只是一般。
4. 听到你想放弃了。

喂！你怎么可以这样！让我爱上你了你却想要放弃了！我真的很难过。我真的被你打败了！我不知道要怎么办了。

每一次看到你有上线我都好期待好开心但有点烦恼，期待你会主动和我聊天。 开心你上线了。烦恼要找什么话题聊。可是最近都很失望，你不但没自动来找我聊天而且还完全是不联络的。我终于了解那时候我给你的忽冷忽热感觉了。真的很伤。对不起！所以有时候我不想上线因为我不想看到这样的情况发生。我当作你没上线好了。不想要和你擦肩而过。

想你了。:(  :(  :(  :(

i had a counted as serious talk by a Counselor which is the lover boy. after i have digest part of the advice, i only realize that actually im not matured at all. i thought i always think from 007 prospective BUT i realize it is not the way...

yes,
1. im gonna approach him like he said.
2. im gonna fake a courage.
3. im gonna make 007 believe me.
4. im gonna give him an image.

i feel that i never learn never understand the meaning of life.. i always thought that im already matured. BUT at the end im wrong. 我可以聪明点吗？！不要总是学不会好吗？！林珮珊！！！醒了咯。

is not easy to be a human being

i still don't know what to do.. how to comfort a broke up person. 

i feel pity for her. i don't know what to do to help her. but one thing im happy about is she still can pregnant. im here to wish her luck and to  ask for god's help to give he strength to overcome all these. please god give her strength.. she got nobody to turn to now.. and i don't know how to help her. i will appreciate if you answer my prayer. 

she shouldn't meet my father.. she should meet a better person.. my father is sucks honestly. he told me not to lie but he is the biggest liar ever on earth. never a person meet 007 is a good thing. as a child of his i don't feel love from him and he is too selfish. he don't let me out. he don't believe me. yeah i do lie. but have you ever thought why i'm lying? i lie because if i tell the truth you're gonna be mad at me. feeling so stress living in this roof. every time i go to bf house i don't feel like leaving. because i don't feel the stress and pressure. i envy my bf. he has a loving mother and sis. but i got no one. even though i have lyn and xian in my life but its something different. he's really a bad ass dad. yeah maybe im still young to think like this. maybe when i grew up i will understand. but now i don't get it okay! what effects a person the most is family or loves one. if you have a happy and warm family please appreciate that and congrats cause not everyone is so lucky. you can be the nicest person in the world if you have a loving family. but if you have a worst family you're gonna get crazy one day trust me.

for me family doesn't mean much in my life cause they ruin my life. yeah i might be a bad girl a bad daughter that don't appreciate what i got. i can say that i hate my family for this moment...    

omg!

omg! im just awake in the middle of the night because he doesn't chat with me.. i waited and waited. eventually i fall asleep. i was dreaming that he send me messages. so i woke up and check a few times my phone. unfortunately its not happening. im still waiting for him. am i really in love?! oh gosh. feeling kinda sad that he is going to Singapore for internship. at first i didn't think much about that and i didn't feel anything. but now its something in my heart that complicated this. i cant believe i got this sadness living and growing wildly in my heart. this is the first time i cant sleep because of someone. i still cant believe this is happening to me! Owh My Goshhhhh!!! im in love huh?!!!   

haze!

yep its been long time I didnt update my blog. im starting my patisserie course this Thursday. its a 1 year  and 4 months course. the last 4 months will be the internship.                the government had just done cloud seeding. now the haze is better and the temperature drop a lot. now is 25°c compare to 35°c . and the humidity increase tremenduosly.. now I only know raining can be so happy. I didnt really appreciate raining all this while. and now I really feel its good to rain too. I hope the haze will get better by tmr. cause I need to go college starting this Thursday! wish myself good luck. fighting Andrea lim you can do it! never ever ever ever give up! you are the best! have confident , courage , passion in persuing your dream as a future successful pastry chef. very good luck !!!   ;) 

shes leaving me! i cant get over it! she the only one that i cant hold on to but now shes gone. at the end im still alone. i really hope i can stay in the dark corner and forever just be there. my heart is pain. my tears are pouring. god help me! 

Just came back from hometown Gerik, Perak. we went back for early 'qing ming'. we started our journey on Saturday around 4 o'clock in the afternoon. it took us 4 to 4 1/2 hours to reach. On Sunday morning we have to go to the cemetery as early as 7.00 o'clock in the morning. when my alarm ring at 6.30am, i straightaway hit the stop button and continue to sleep until they finally woke up and alarm me up. i barely open my eyes and took a looked at the time. it's 6.45 if i'm not mistaken. i brushed my teeth and washed my face, change my pajamas and out we head to the cemetery. was very foggy and very cool. everybody prepare the things and we started praying. as usual we burned all the papers... on our journey backed from Gerik to KL, Lyn suddenly said: 'chain?' then we knew that she dropped the gold, bold, heavy chain in the cemetery. the chain is like the Ahlong chain but its gold. my father called back to Gerik home and asked them to went back to the cemetery to help find whether have or not. but unfortunately they didn't managed to found. Lyn was very upset the whole journey until now (midnight). the minute she knew her chain was not with her, she knew that it is definitely gone. the chain was so expensive that worth at least minimum 10 thousand ringgit. i just can said that maybe she lost this precious thing now but god will gave her another more valuable thing for her. i hope so... and hope that she will be alright the next few days... :)                

it ain't true, right?!

i couldn't believe it! am i dreaming? i wish i am.....  one of my malay girl classmate just had an accident during the first day of cny. she went for 'yam cha' with a few friends and one of her friend fetch her and another ppl home. unfortunately, they meet with an accident because there cannot u-turn but they did so a super bike crush onto their kancil car. the passenger behind the driver seat died, the driver had an serious injury and my friend was in coma. but luckily now shes already awake but half of her body was paralyze and the other side can only move up and down. the doctor said minimum need 2 years to recover... shes now in UKM hospital in Cheras.. i was soooo worried about her even though we didn't talk at all but i just cant stop thinking and worrying her. i really hope there is a miracle that she will recover less than 2 years... she was beautiful, smart, good body shape. i really hope she will get stronger and overcome all these obstacles. i want her to stand up and walk like normal and be like the one that i usually see her in class. i really really really hope and pray for her. i hope god don't threat her that bad pls!

suddenly feel like writing a letter to her.

Aliaa, im andrea. i know is a lot to take in but i want you to be strong and believe in god, yourself, friends, parents and relatives. they are always there for you when you need them. i know its hard to take in all but time will let you accept it.. even though there is a scar but most importantly is wounded. so plsss, stay strong.. i want you to stand up and face the truth, the world again. its not the end. its just an obstacle to a better life and a whole new beginning life is waiting for you. you have the support from everyone and you are not alone. trust me you'll recover and be back soon. i'll be waiting for you k? promise me.. bless you Aliaa.. stay strong!!    




Aliaa, stay strong! we'll be right here waiting for u!!! love u! God bless u!

四年了，还好吗？
你应该知道我过得怎么样吧。
新年就在这个礼拜天。
明天我们一起吃午餐吧。
我们现在在不同的时空 
过各自的生活。
那里是不是很美啊?
住的快乐吗？
你遇见了谁吗？
和谁做朋友了？
还是寂寞孤单吗？
还习惯吗？
喜欢在那里住吗？
你每天在干嘛？
你应该很漂亮了吧？
是个大妹女吗？
好想有一天科技可以发达到可以联络到天国呢。
你愿意给我你的联络方式吗？
你变成天使了吗？
你吃了吗？
睡得好吗？
我好想知道一切哦！

妈！想你了。笑一个  :D

from yesterday rain till afternoon. nice i love it.. just feel cool. i wish it can continue to rain till evening...lol!

everything has an answer . Just we dont know the answer and we say there's no answer. 

later i have got class. so no mood to study. everyone already back hometown including my dad and cousin.

suddenly thought of tmr im gonna pray my mom and have a lunch with her. hahah....

HELP!!!!! Im not in a mood today! How? 

chinese new year is on sunday this week. but i dont have the mood at all. 2 assignment to accomplish and a test. sigh. im gonna follow my aunt back on that day as early as 7am. hope that she's not gonna keep nagging at me.. i already not so into mood. and i hope that they wont ask too many questions though. tired of explaining, lying. everyone are rushing back home now. but me? im gonna stay at home today and tmr till sunday morning. hope that my aunt dont ask about my dad. and bout the car. but for 101% they will sure ask... i knew it... sighhh. what a bad cny this year.